@ British Vogue, Is It Also Embarrassing If I’m In Love?

In today’s world of dating, having a boyfriend is embarrassing – or at least, that is what British Vogue writer Chante Joseph said in her now-viral article. Since that piece was written, TikTok, Instagram, and Substack have argued over this statement. Many people are responding in agreement, while others are responding in defense of their partners, and some women are even stating that while they do love their partner, they are, in fact, “embarrassed.” 

Now the question is, why is Joseph claiming being in a relationship is embarrassing? 

In her article, Joseph doesn’t exactly state that being in a relationship is embarrassing, but rather acknowledges that the world is shifting and that centering men is no longer necessary to womanhood. This is a reasonable conclusion, and an important consideration for women. She also questions why it has become more common not to post one’s partner. In the world of social media, people continue to “soft launch” or not “launch” at all. But at the end of it all, Joseph also seems to suggest that there is a difference between love and a relationship: “Obviously, there's no shame in falling in love. But there’s also no shame in trying and failing to find it— or not trying at all.” 

But is it the relationship that’s embarrassing or is love itself what builds that embarrassment? 

Influencer and writer Isabel Timerman posted an opinion piece in response to the Vogue article titled, “Having a boyfriend isn’t embarrassing. Settling is.” I couldn’t think of a better answer to the previous question. In this new world of “nonchalance” in dating, it seems we live in a time where dating has become a game of cards, and the best player is the one with the best poker face. It’s as if we forget that the person sitting across from us on the date should be our partner, not our opponent. Timmerman writes in her article, “We date people who don’t challenge us, don’t make us laugh, don’t make us think, because being alone feels harder than being disappointed.” We are failing to remember the reason for dating – treating it as a talent show rather than a chance to truly know another person. 

Timerman claimed that being chronically single was her motto and brand: “I’d always believed that having a boyfriend drained you of something essential. It dulled the edges. Made you slower, softer, less ambitious, less hot.” As the article continues, Timerman explains how she has been in many bad relationships, but is now in one that makes her feel like her truest self. As her title suggests, she believes that loving someone is not the embarrassing factor, but being with someone you don’t love, or who doesn’t love you, is.

I would say that if love isn’t embarrassing, then you aren’t doing it right. We all have those friends, or have been that friend, who’s gotten into a new relationship and is so smitten that all that comes out of their mouth is their new partner’s name. It’s annoying, monontonous, and feels like you’ve lost your friend to the dark side. But maybe what we don’t realize is that someone is loving our friend the way they deserve to be loved. They are happy, but we can’t seem to sit there and be happy for them. Maybe it’s out of a bit of envy or fear of losing our friend’s attention. But whatever it is, we should rather our friends be annoyingly in love than not loved at all. 

Since reading this article, this question has been on my mind a lot. I would personally describe myself as a romantic–someone who longs for love the way Sex and the City’s Charlotte York so proudly does. But on the other hand, I would also consider myself to be a feminist and an independent woman who doesn’t want to rely on anyone else. Getting into a relationship feels like it goes against my independence, yet not longing for love goes against my heart. I think many of us who have read this article are caught between the two, unsure of which way to turn. As women, I’m not sure we’re even given the room to choose. Like with most things, we have to be labeled one way or another, and everyone has to have an opinion on it. So, at the end of the day, we should ask ourselves: would we rather care about what other people think, or take a shot at being in love. 

I am not sure the answer to Joseph's question, and I’m not sure if being in a relationship or loving another person deeply is embarrassing, who is to say if I even have enough knowledge to opinionate on this matter. What I do know is you can only know so much about love and the world at twenty-one, but if I had to choose, I would choose love. 

And if I do get lucky enough to be in love soon, I know it will be worth being "embarrassing." 

Love, 

Taylor